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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?